A friend of mine wrote a powerful post about resillience. She writes that she has a strong sense that whatever comes her way, she can find a way through it. That part I can do, but I wasn't ready for something this hard, this soon after the last hard part of my journey.
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Like it or not, you are the midwife for this part of John's life journey. Do you comfort and encourage, or not (as the midwife does in childbirth)? The choices are to be bitter, feel jilted and angry about and at him; or to accept it as a part of your life journey and engineer it the way you want it to be. Are these last months/years of his conscious feelings important to you? Will you look back someday and wish you'd done things differently to comfort or make him feel cherished? I don't know. I do think you can hire out some of the responsibilities at home and at achool. Hire a housekkeeper that comes in daily to keep the chaos down and maybe do grocery shopping, and a grad student to do grading. You do have to do more, but not all of it. The more I try to have a positive attitude, the more my attitude genuinely becomes positive. God is with me no matter if I'm having a good day or a difficult one, or if I'm dying. No matter what, on this side of the veil or the other, God is with me. God is with you and John too.
Perhaps John needs to be your next experiment/learning experience. He can teach you how to transition to the next part of his life journey, and you can write a book to teach the rest of us how to midwife him in that process. Or not.
You are a strong person, capable of much. Priorities are shifting and it's difficult. I'm confident that love, compassion and generosity of spirit will overcome the difficulties of life cheating you and John of the life plan you had origionally envisioned for yourselves.
Buying help saved me from a LOT of resentment I had toward the time-consuing care I had to invest in Betty. It worked for me and my family for over 6 years now. Perhaps it isn't the solution for you all, but it sure helped all of us, and the lady that goes to her house loves her "job." Everyone wins. I hope you can find a solution so you can be in a better place about the redistribution of responsibilities. I'll continue to pray for you both, and the kids. It has to be difficult for them too.
Peace
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