In Life in the Balance Dr. Grayboys writes in general terms about how he and his wife were open about their feelings about the disease to each other and she let out her anger a him in a safe therapy setting. My therapist suggests I might do that with John, even the wild irrational feelings that tend to come out as that he is ruining my life.
I'm afraid of several possible outcomes:
- he might just be overwhelmed and confused and hurt--it might feel like I had taken candy from a baby
- it might make him face the feelings he is avoiding facing and send him into deep depression
- it might drive him to paranoia
I worry particularly about that last alternative. He has never been someone who went very deeply into his own feelings and when I suggest he is avoiding certain issues (such as not responding when I say I am depressed) he feels I am criticizing him. He thinks I'm exaggerating how bad things are and he finds ways to make it my issue rather than his--for example, he says I take things over that he could still do because I am too sensitive about mistakes.
John admits he is having cognitive problems and he doesn't resist my taking things over. I'm lucky in that, and I don't want to endanger a relatively positive pattern by wanting to be open about my feelings.
I don't think there is a right answer; in the end I will have to trust my intuition.