further conversation

I told John that he may believe that ending his life (he is clearly talking about some years in the future) would be the right choice for him, but he should not believe he is doing it for his family. I am confident I am well on my way to knowing how to care for him through Lewy Body Dementia, to a natural death, without it being emotionally or financially devastating. He said he wasn't convinced that was possible. I gave him a couple of examples and what seemed to make the most impression on him was my confidence that even if he got violent that could be controlled by medication and after a while he would come out of that stage. Sometimes I feel that reading the Lewy Body caring spouses Yahoo group means I know too much too soon. But here that knowledge was valuable.

I am off to a retreat for the weekend at a place that has been an important spiritual home for me. They have decided not to take guests any more after this weekend. I hope this weekend I will be able to grieve that loss.