This is the story of Pam and John; she in her early 50’s and John is 62. Pam is a college professor. John taught at a local community college until diagnosed with Parkinson’s in March 2008, then Lewy Body Dementia in April.


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I miss having someone to share the work

Yesterday I went with John to the urologist, who again recommended more surgery for his benign prostate enlargement (or the scar tissue from the first surgery). They did say they could do it without general anaesthesia. John wants to try a dilation procedure first, but if that doesn't last very long he wants to find a high-ranked doctor farther away. Sigh.

I'm wishing for help with Christmas. Our daughter and I went and got a tree today and I got it up, but no one has offered to help with decorating it so it isn't decorated. John hasn't been feeling well this afternoon/evening, so I shouldn't complain about today specifically. But more generally, Christmas is too much work to be trying to do mostly on my own. I'm ok with cooking a traditional meal even if I have to do most of the cleaning up too. But even if my daughter will help me some with decorating, having to do the cleaning up makes the decorating seem too hard. I need to think about what I would want in a simpler Christmas.


Amber said...

You should communicate openly and honestly with your children about everyone's expectations for Christmas and what's realistic. My mom often internalizes frustrations and we don't know how much anxiety or irritation something causes until she lashes out. It's always been like this, but since my grandmother was diagnosed with LBD we have been picking up on it more. Last year my mom freaked out about Christmas dinner, so my husband and I have taken over menu selection and food prep. She and my dad still host, but my husband and I are in charge of the meal. While it would be nice if we all knew when to pitch in, sometimes us "kids" need to be invited to do so.

spouse said...

Anger is not a good thing, especially at this time of year!!!
Friends and family tend to get away from angry people.Amber's suggestion of INVITING help is wonderful !!! all chores are much more fun when there is help.
I suggest that you SET THE STAGE for tree decoration with ornaments set out, favorite Christmas Carols playing(The kind that everyone loves to sing along with) and the aromas of cookies and spiced cider, or cocoa. Make sure the timing is correct for your helpers before you start tho. This would be a good time to start this as a tradition. but it also works well to SET THE STAGE if you have to do it by yourself-- Most of my decorating is what I do for me !!!
I do it because I want to see and enjoy it myself. And this may be the last year I have my husband of 48 years, home for Christmas. I have cut back on the decorations this year, because of the shortage of my time & our daughters live out of state.
This is the season of love and smiles-- you have to give them before you can receive them----
Sending prayers that you can relax and have a happy loving holiday !!