On the trip, I noticed that my mother has started to look to us to tell her what to do, as well as asking the same question every few minutes. Her mother died of Alzheimers so it is not a surprise. What I've been realizing the last few days is how upsetting it is to have her no longer be the strong one, even though I didn't have a good relationship with her. I haven't turned to her for support and help in dealing with my situation with John, both because she tended to be so critical and because she didn't have much relevant experience--both her husbands died suddenly (one in a car accident, the other of a massive stroke). But there is still some child reaction in me that finds it scary that she is no longer bigger than me. In more adult terms, maybe I felt that at least she was there as a last resort. Not any more.
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As my mother's final illness took hold she asked me to go with her to doctor and hospital appointments (mainly, I think, to help put a bit of pressure on them to find out what was wrong).
Part way through all this I asked her to come with me to the dentist. I was only half joking!
It is hard to find you are the one who has to take charge all the time. Once or twice I had to call in help, for example when I went down with an awful cold just when my mother needed someone to take her to hospital. I was very grateful to my brother who stood in at short notice on a couple of such occasions.
Thank you for writing your blog - I am sure many people will find it reassuring to know they are not alone wrestling with the difficulties you are facing.
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